Breakups can be hard. Trust me I know. Last year I had to walk away from my long-term relationship after some ish hit the fan. I won’t get into the gritty details but baby I went through! I’m talking not eating, eating too much, going to bed crying, waking up crying, falling into a deep depression—through!
Thankfully a year and some change has passed and by the grace of God, I finally got my swag back! It wasn’t easy in the least bit. Child, I had to put up a major fight with myself to walk away, do the work to heal and forgive. But I did it. And I am better off for it. Here are a few lessons that I learned during my breakup that helped me bounce back.
The Closure Is Within You.
After my breakup, there was a part of me that kept trying to make the whole thing make sense in my head. You see, my breakup was a complete surprise to me. I thought everything was fine until I discovered that some major relationship cardinal sins had been taking place behind my back. So I made the choice to walk away. Walking away was the easy part but not knowing the why behind my ex’s behavior was torture.
I texted in hopes of getting closure. I’d meet up for coffee in hopes that He would just finally tell me the truth. I’d beg and plead for him to say something that would put the pieces back together again. And each time that I reached out for answers I’d come back with more confusion, more anger, more bitterness. It took a minute but I finally realized that I would never find closure from the person that broke me. The closure had to come from within.
I had to come to grips with the fact that I will never understand why he did what he did and that I am not responsible for his actions, only mine. I learned that the whole closure thing was just an unconscious attempt on my end to hold onto what I knew I needed to let go of. The true closure began when I stopped asking questions like “how could you?” and flipped them and asked myself– “why did I ignore the signs?”, “Why did I stay so long?” I was the one responsible for my closure, not him. And so I did the work. I journaled. I prayed. I went back to therapy and got my head clear. I forgave myself. I made myself stop obsessing about the details and allowed myself to be ok with the fact that I might never know his truth, which is fine because I walk in my own truth. Closure comes from within.
One Day Everything Will Be Just Fine.
Trouble don’t last always. When I was going through my breakup it felt like I would never stop crying. Or that I would never move on. All lies! I’m happy, whole and having the time of my life! It didn’t happen overnight but eventually, I simply moved on. And life became my own again. It probably doesn’t feel like it but one day you’ll look up and you’ll be just fine.
Take your time.
About a month after my breakup I remember sitting in my therapist’s office drying my tears asking her “when is this going to stop hurting?”. I was ok crying and moping around the apartment those first two weeks, but after that, I was starting to get on my own damn nerves lol! I’m a pretty strong girl so sitting around crying just ain’t my thing but she told me something I will never forget; “Time takes time”! Don’t feel bad if you still aren’t quite over your breakup. You cared for your boo and it’s hard to just walk away from that. Take the time you need to feel better. Getting over a breakup is not a race. You need time to process it. Don’t let your bestie, Momma or whoever rush you to get over it. It was special to you-you’re allowed to mourn.
I was out for the count for awhile, but one day I remembered who the hell I was and I bossed up. I stopped all the crying. I forgave myself and I started focusing on me. I traveled. I put a freak em dress on (or two) and partied with my girls. I focused on my career and started booking national commercials and tv shows. I opened up my first online retail store. I created a podcast. I started working out. I continued doing the work in therapy. I had fun dating again. I treated myself to spa days and nurtured my relationships with my family and friends. I became me again. I stopped placing the blame on someone else and I took charge of my own happiness. Now I am living my best life and you will too! Forgive yourself, let time take time and let go of that which does not serve you.
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