I am a holder on-er. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that does not know how to let go. I hold onto toxic relationships way past their expiration date. I stay committed and loyal to one-sided friendships that drain the living daylights out of me. Listen, my hold on game is so strong! I still have all of my size 9 shoes because I am praying that the good Lord above shrinks my feet back down from a size 10 to a 9. Don’t laugh! There’s still hope. Lol!
This need to hold on isn’t anything new. I’ve been like this most of my life. I’ve always chased down, begged for, pleaded with, kept quiet and played small— in order to keep folks around. I know what it’s like to watch someone you love walk away (I didn’t grow up with my dad but don’t worry, we’re cool now❤️) and I just never wanted the people in my life to feel that same pain. Even if they hurt me. Even if I needed to kick them to the curb, I stayed. I stayed when it hurt. I stayed when I was tired. I stayed when I should’ve let go. I’ve always been loyal to my own detriment.
But then something clicked in July. Out of the blue— I just let go.
A dear friend of mine decided that she needed space and didn’t want to talk to me after I couldn’t make it to her graduation back in May. I apologized profusely. Cried about it. Reached out to her and she wasn’t having any of it. Instead of chasing, I gave myself permission to let go. I prayed about it. I prayed for her and for us, but ultimately I allowed myself to let go of someone that made the choice to no longer be present in my life. Was it hard? Hell yeah! We’ve been friends since 2002. But I had to make peace with her decision and make peace with my choice not to beg anyone to stick around anymore. When she is ready– I am ready to ki-ki like old times, but until then I release that which does not want to stay.
And it wasn’t just in the friendship department; the letting go spirit was testing me with my business.
A major sponsorship deal went cold out of the clear blue sky. And when I say major—I mean MAJOR! I was devastated. This deal would’ve been such a game changer for #NRJ. As crushed as I was— I let it go. I didn’t stalk the PR person. I didn’t send out a million “hey don’t forget about me emails”. I prayed about it and I let it go.
As cliche as it is, July has taught me that what is for me will be for me. I don’t have to beg or chase down people or opportunities. And guess what? I am not a bad person if I decide not to chase. It’s ok for me to release who or what needs or wants to go. It’s been such a tough but freeing lesson to learn and to trust that God will restore what’s been lost.
So what’s next? Here are my goals for August.
More behind the scenes of #NRJ: The Good, The Bad + The Ugly.
In August, I really want to work on sharing a more 3-dimensional peek into #NRJ. Social media makes it look so easy. Like my life is all flat lays and photo shoots. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. The truth is- it’s been such a crazy, scary, exciting ride learning how to develop a brand, run a business and still be human. Sometimes I win big and sometimes I lose big and I want to be able to share that story. To show what it looks like to start something from the ground up. To push towards something even when the doubts are constantly on blast.
So going forward you can expect to see more videos and snapshots of my life behind the scenes. For some reason, I’ve been so scared to actually get on camera and vlog my little journey. Which is completely crazy because I’m an actress and I love the camera. I guess I worry that no one cares and it takes a certain level of vulnerability to put more of your life out there. But my number one prayer is that God uses me to show other women who are just as scared that it can be done. No matter what your (it) is. So I can’t wait to start vlogging and sharing my journey! (You can always catch a daily glimpse into my life on Instagram Stories–follow me @NoRealJewelry )
Jump Off The Cliff
This month I am challenging myself to be bold. To do things that scare the hell out of me. Why? Because I’ve been letting my fears punk the hell out of me lately. Anxiety has been winning and I’m so over it. So I want to get into the habit of feeling the fear and doing it anyway! It can be as big as creating a major workshop that I’ve dreamed of doing since I started #NRJ. Or it can be as small as signing up for the aerial classes that I’ve always wanted to try but was afraid I’d look stupid. The point is to jump off the gosh darn cliff and trust that everything will be ok. That my workshop will be a success and that I’ll be a bomb
ass aerial dancer. I just want to learn how to get comfortable feeling afraid and not letting it keep me stuck.
What’s the one major lesson you learned in July? What are some goals you want to achieve in August? Let me know in the comment section below!
Did you like this post? Check these out:
Need a weekly dose of inspiration and encouragement delivered right to your email inbox? Well, sign up for “The Sunday JumpStart” newsletter. The Sunday Jumpstart aims at helping you prepare for an amazing week through positive affirmations, helpful challenges and a ton of tips and tricks to overcome fears and pursue passions. Fill out the form below to subscribe!